Old friends

I have never been the type of person who made friends easily. As a child I was shy and because I moved around a lot I had a hard time making friends. As a teenager I was very self-conscious and kind of a nerd. As an adult I think a lot of people find me abrasive and loud.

I have recently found my way onto facebook and found a few old friends. It has confirmed for me that I have never had a lot of friends. I hardly knew anyone from high school to connect with and I don't have any friends that predate junior high to find. I can think of three friends that I have known for longer than I have been married that I keep in contact with, even then I only hear from them about once a year. I like to think that I am a friendly person, and that I like people. I just am not sure that people like me back. S on the other hand has found a long list of people to connect with (mostly women) and we see an entire group of people that he went to high school with at least every other month. I don't understand how someone who is as friendly as he is could have ended up with someone like me. Not that I think I am unfriendly just am not good at maintaining friendships. I spend time with exactly three people in my neighborhood on a social level. They are the only ones that I see and talk to on a regular basis. I like a lot of the people in my neighborhood but I am not gutsy enough to just call someone up and invite them to go shopping or go to lunch. I think a lot of people would think of me as aggressive and they don't realize that it is a front for a lot of insecurity. I guess that those that can see past that are the ones that I actually end up calling friend. Maybe it is a consequence of my childhood that I just don't keep up with people well. I get very wrapped up with my own personal life and forget that I have friends that I should call. If there are any old friend out there that are reading this and feel badly that I haven't kept in touch just know that I am thinking of you and would love to hear from you!