I have 4 friends/relatives that will be having or have had babies within the month. I get to go and hold these little darlings occasionally. Holding a perfect little new born is a cheerful thing to do. Most of the time. Sometimes it sparks a little bit of sadness in me. I didn't have perfect little new born babies. I had fetuses. For those of you who don't know I have twin girls that were born 14 weeks premature. The were under two pounds each. I didn't hear my newborns cry until they were seven weeks old. They had scars on their body from the first moments of birth. I has never been easy for me to be a parent. Not that it is for anyone, but I have never had one of those blissful moments when all seems right with the world. I have always had worry.
Will they ever be able to breath on their own?
Will they be able to see they way they should?
Will they be able to eat normally?
Will they be able to sit up?
Will they ever walk?
Will they ever talk?
After a while it switched to...
Will she ever be able to feed herself?
Will she ever be able to get dressed?
Will she every be able to tell me she loves me?
Will she be like everyone else?
Will everyone treat her the way she deserves to be treated?
I know all parents ask themselves these things. I know they all worry. But at some point I have had to give up on the dream. Sure there are a lot of things both of my girls can do that I never thought they would. We no longer have to spoon feed, or worry about falling down stairs. We do however worry about how the world will treat people who are so vastly different.
I look at new born babies, and pray fervently for their parents that they will never have to go through the heartache of having to give up what might have been. I pray that my children never know how much it hurts to give up the dream of a perfect little baby. I pray that they don't realize that with giving up that dream, my life had been altered but, not always for the worse.
I do however hope they realize that my life has been better because of them. That I wouldn't change a thing to make it different for myself. I would change it for them, not because there is something wrong with them, but because there is something wrong with the way the rest of the world sees them.
I hope they never have to ask themselves,
or What might have been?
I hope they can appreciate themselves for who they are.
Do you ever watch the same shows over and over. There are certain series that I just have to have, I just have to watch over and over again. I actually own all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Go ahead and mock me, but for those of you out there who have actually bothered to watch this show, you actually understand why I keep watching it. I also have a weakness for Veronica Mars. Again one that looked like a stupid teenage drama, but I challenge you to watch it and see if you still think that! So I am asking you. What do you love to watch? What could you watch over and over and never get tired of it?
What is with this freaking weather? Seriously it is April already and there is snow and hail all over my lawn! If this is what April is going to look like I would just like to have March back... OK!
I watch this show I have done entire posts about it in the past. I love it, I will probably never stop watching. Even when Simon goes away. However I am very disappointed with the judges lately. I swear they criticize my favorites every time. I was so disappointed when one of my favorites was taken off this week! I used to vote, but I also used to watch it live. By the time we get around to watching now, it is way too late. I am very interested to see who actually wins this year.
The Bug starts her new class next week. In the mean time she is off track all this week and most of next. I think she is starting to feel the boredom. Wednesday she was sitting at the kitchen counter sorting Skip-Bo cards by number. I seriously need to find something better for her to do. Unfortunately the weather is not cooperating with the idea of anything outside. So indoor activities.
OK ideas that do not involve actual effort?
I hate April Fools Day! Seriously I always end up looking like an idiot, either because I get some stupid trick played on me, or because my lame trick ends up looking just that... lame. I never realized how much kids get into it. Maybe because we have never put much emphasis on it. As a recess duty, it was like I had a huge target painted on my back yesterday. All of them were pretty simplistic, so easy to see through. I had several kids tell me I had a spot on me somewhere. I had several tell me it was their birthday. One told me I had a ketchup packet on my butt. That was the most creative. Apparently the adults in the school are a lot more creative than the kids though. I guess I have to beware in the future.
I decided to take the songs from my new music list this week, and added some commentary.
Here are the tunes
1. Crimson and Clover- Joan Jett
(This song reminds me of Veronica Mars it seriously had a great soundtrack)
2. OK Go- WTF?
(I really hate this particular phrase, but unfortunately this is the title of the song.)
3. Odd One- Sick Puppies
(Love the lyrics on this song)
4. Riannon- Fleetwood Mac
(I swear half this list I have heard on AI in the last few weeks)
5. Stylo- Gorillaz
(Love the beats these guys use)
6. Let it Be- Kris Allen
(I bought this because it was a good cause, and I love this version)
7. Me and Bobby McGee- Crystal Bowersox
(Part of me hopes she wins, and part of me thinks she is really pretentious. I seriously want her to loose the dreds)
8. I Love Rock & Roll- Joan Jett
(I remember my little brother loved this song when it came out, he must have been about 6, and went around singing it all the time, he was so cute!)
9. Your No Good- Didi Benami
( I was truly disappointed to see her go! She was my favorite!)