I was surfing through TV channels yesterday and had to laugh at what I landed on. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey! As I sat there giggling at them reciting Every Rose Has it's Thorn to get into heaven, I had a major flashback. There was a time when I wasn't an uptight control freak mom. There was a time when I thought that stupid movies were funny. There was a time when I cut school just to ride around in cars. I started to think of a simpler time. When my meals and living expenses didn't come out of my own pocket. When the only person I was responsible for was myself. I miss that time. I guess getting in touch with a few old friends lately has made me think of this, and what I miss about being young. Not that I am that old, but when the kids I teach in sunday school were born the year after I graduated I am not exactly young anymore. I have to admit that I probably wouldn't repeat that age again but there are things I do miss. The freedom from worry. Like what happens if my house catches on fire, or my husband looses his job, or one of my kids get hurt. I miss only worrying about meeting my curfew, or when my homework is due. Maybe it is a mid life crisis, but I thought only men did that. Like most people, I would say that if I knew then what I know now things would be different, but if that was the case would I be where I am now? I like where I am now. I wouldn't want that to change. Maybe if I hadn't made some of the bad or good decisions that I made then I wouldn't be the person I am today. I don't think I would like that. It took me a long time to come to the realization that I like who I am, and I shouldn't try to be someone I am not. I learned that some time in my teenage years and something I did along the way cemented that in my brain, and made me a lot stronger. I guess what I am saying is that nostalgia is a great thing in small doses.
Thanksgiving was a good day for me. I usually stress a lot about preparing a meal this large, but yesterday was a really relaxed day for me. I even had time for a nap. I started making food and preparing my Turkey the night before. Then that morning I got almost everything else done early so I didn't have to work on it all at the same time later. Spreading things out really helped. By the time my parents got here everything was either keeping warm in the crock pot or ready to go into the oven right then. It was awesome! I didn't stress at all. Maybe if I had more people than my parents over it would have been more stressful but hey who's complaining.
So now I have an opportunity to say thanks to everyone that has made my life a little better. Thanks to my wonderful parents who have always taught me what is right. Thanks to my great friends, old and new, who are always there when I need them. Thanks to S's family who have always accepted me for who I am. Thanks to my beautiful little girls for showing me what strength really is. Thank you to my awesome husband who loves me unconditionally.
So I have stated for years now that it is my firm belief that married people are not meant to spend 24 hours a day together. A lot of times I say that and people either argue with me or act like I have said something bad. I love my husband but if he is home for more than two days in a row I am on the verge of doing him in. Every year between Christmas and New Years S has mandatory time off. By the end of that week and a half we are at each others throats! Almost every society has some sort of set up that basically works out so that men and women don't spend their whole day together, even Bushmen in Africa. This is for a good reason! One of the problems is that men think that just because they are home that the woman's whole world comes to a stop. I still have dishes, laundry, children, etc. that are lobbying for my attention. In fact there is a good chance that if S has the day off then so do my girls. That means that not only is he home, but they are too, so there are three other people in my house to create three times the mess of any other day! Smart women are the ones that agree with me and don't look at me and say "OH I love having my family home with me!" Wackos!!! Either that or they have trained their family to keep perfectly still in one place and not touch anything. If that is the case I would like to know what their secret is. LOVE YOU S, now go back to work!!!!
Since we moved I have received a lot of unusual mail. Someone out there has sold my information to everyone out there trying to make a buck. S does not receive these mail offers just me and every one has my name spelled wrong. I talked about one of them in a previous blog. I just got another unusual one this week. Someone with psychic powers trying to sell me a Ring of Re, whatever the hell that is! I get, on a weekly basis, at least three prize offers, 5 credit applications and about every other week now I get someone trying to sell me some weird object. What is with this? They make some of the most bazaar claims too. The most recent claims that this ring will give you good luck. One woman claimed that her husband left her three months earlier and the day she put the ring on he called and wanted her back. I am thinking that if she fell for this kind of crap a lot maybe he was smart to leave her in the first place and maybe it was for the best. The person who's name is on the letter said that the ring made her a psychic. Well... I guess people will believe anything. She claims she has all the money she wants now. I bet she does if people are falling for this and are sending her money for the piece of junk she is selling. I would like to know how to stop the never ending stream of junk that I have been receiving. I don't want to be special anymore!!!!
I hate it when my kids are sick, but especially when it is Lou. She coughed all night last night and has red spots all over this morning, not to mention what her diapers look like. She is so hard sometimes when she is sick. She doesn't want to be held, but she doesn't want to be left alone either. I prefer the sick that involves lethargy. At least then she will sleep. The hardest part is that she can't talk so she cant tell me where she hurts. She is eating fine so I am assuming it isn't a throat problem, but that leaves me with a lot of other options. I guess I just have to ride it out. What a pain in the butt. Don't get me wrong I know it is about taking care of her and not how inconvenient it is for me. It is just harder when it is her that is sick because I feel like my hands are tied, I just can't do anything to help. She is watching TV right now and seems pretty happy about it, I guess I should be grateful that she is relatively happy... right?
I guess part of what makes it hard is that I am not feeling quite right myself this morning. I have a headache and my back is out... again. I just feel old today! What other 34 year old do you know that suffers from severe arthritis? That is an old person disease. I know, I bring it on myself. I am not suppose to lift anything heavier than a piece of paper. It is just hard not to pick Lou up sometimes. My job doesn't help either, but how do I tell my boss that I cant lift stuff. I work retail that involves lifting heavy clothes and boxes, it is just part of the job! Oh well there is my whine for the day, hope you all enjoyed it!
Twilight! There I said it. Yes I am going to the movie this weekend. Yes I have read all four books more than twice each. Yes I admit I enjoyed reading them. Yes I am a little excited to go to the movie. There I admitted it! Mostly it is because we are making it into a girls night out and I haven't had one of those in a long time. I will also admit that I think they are totally girly, way to melodramatic and pretty sappy. I also think they create false expectations in women that don't belong there. Yea Edward is pretty perfect, but how many times in the span of four books did he offer to do the dishes for Bella? Plus I think he was a little bossy, and controlling. Safety or not, she is her own person... HELLO! Other than that I do think that Stephenie Meyer is pretty smart. These were marketed really well (at least here in Utah), and She has probably made a fortune off of them. I did go out and buy the soundtrack (the only CD I have actually purchased in years), but only because I really like most of the bands that are on it, and it is the type of music I like the most. I did not buy it for the poster, I haven't even looked at it yet! Honestly where would I put a poster like that anyway... on my ceiling? Yea S would love that.
Shane and I are sitting on the couch watching Casino Royal. I have to admit as much as I love Pierce Brosnan, and Sean Connery, Daniel Craig has got to top my list as favorite Bond. I was introduced to Bond in High school with View to a Kill, and have loved them ever since. From the terrible names for the female leads to the cheesy weapons of mass destruction. I love the chase scenes, I love the way over the top story lines, I love that the actor playing the main character changes every few years. I just love them! My parents never liked them so I didn't grow up watching them, so for a lot of years I was playing catch up. There are still a few I haven't seen but, very few. Every time I see one playing on TV somewhere I can't help but turn it on and I am totally captivated every time. I am hoping that S and I can go see the new one in the theatre, because really they were meant to be seen on the big screen. So write in and tell me what your favorite Bond movie is.
I've decided to make a list of the things I have adjusted to since having children. Maybe it will make me feel better after a rather gross afternoon of Lou's messes.
Throw up- I haven't adjusted to this as well as I should have. However I can fight the urge to throw up myself when they do. It can actually be rather amazing when it projects all the way across the room.
Diapers- I guess when you have been dealing with this for 10 years you no longer get grossed out by poop. Changing diapers for a ten year old will do this for you too. I can't say I like it spread all over the walls though.
Blood- I used to get light headed when I saw wounds, now it is just another fluid that my children produce at random moments.
Drool- believe it or not this has its own odor. I almost find this more gross than throw up or poop.
Pills- I have never liked taking pills and I don't like giving them to my kids. I consider them a necessary evil with my epileptic child.
Sweating- No matter how hot I am if my child needs to be held then I can deal with their body heat in order to make them feel better.
Stares- Children stare, adults stare, it doesn't matter anymore.
Loud noises- no matter how loud your children are in church, mine are worse. At least all of Emma's are happy noises.
Prayers- I do this a lot more often than I ever did before children. They are also some of the most comical things to happen in our house.
Embarrassment- Whether it is Lou turning the lights off during Sacrament meeting or Bug repeating something that she shouldn't I guess it just doesn't faze me anymore.
Spitting- OK so I hate this one. There is nothing in this world like having food spit at you, but I guess I am used to it by now.
Hey if anyone out there is actually reading this blog and wants to add to this list go right ahead. Maybe if it something that my kids don't do it will make me feel better.
I discovered facebook a few weeks ago. In the last 24 hours I have spent no less than 6 hours online checking my status and the status of everyone on my friends list. Wow what a time waster!
I have managed to find a couple of old friends that I have to admit I am really glad that I have gotten back in contact with. For the most part though, those on my list are people I see in my ward all the time. I find myself wanting to check and see who is on every few minutes. My status says that I can quit any time... I don't think that is the truth. They say that the first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one. Well here goes, I am addicted to Facebook! This is getting ridiculous, I have better things to do! Not only that but I have found myself checking my blog really often to see if anyone has commented, not to mention all the other blogs that I keep track of now.
(If you haven't checked it out look at seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com I laugh my butt off every time)
What I want to know is when did the Internet become my main source of entertainment. I guess being home all day on the days that I don't work is not necessarily a good thing. I suppose I have to be grateful that the Christmas season is starting so that my work hours will pick up and give me something useful to do.
I doesn't happen very often, but I can't sleep tonight. I am usually a really heavy sleeper, tonight I am really keyed up. Again something that doesn't happen often. I fall asleep really easily, and quickly. S on the other hand is a chronic insomniac, he stays up reading almost every night. I need my 8 hours or I don't function well. When this happens I usually only have one recourse, TV. So here I am at midnight, in my footy pajamas watching Law and Order. Ordinarily it is me at 3 am watching music videos. I have to admit that that is when I find the best music. They don't play the kind of music I listen to at regular hours. I have discovered some of the best bands on Fuse in the middle of the night.
What is it about the question that bugs me. You know what question... "So when are you having more kids?". I guess it depends on who is asking. I have friends that I talk to about it that I can be really open to, and then someone else asks and I get all mad. I guess it is the sensitivity level of the person asking, or maybe the way they ask. I have twin girls, I have only been pregnant once and that was cut very short (like by 14 weeks). I have not been preventing pregnancy for about 5 years now. I have actually had a lot of fun telling people that when they ask. Their reactions range from pity, to remorse for asking. It is a sensitive subject. I was talking to a friend who has been married for almost long as I have and he and his wife don't have kids at all. He said that he doesn't think about it anymore but it is still hard for his wife. I started thinking about that and why that would be the case, why is it easier for men to not think about. I guess for men they don't have a monthly reminder that they haven't achieved their goal yet. Women always have that little reminder. I used to be really sensitive about it, and then I got to the point that I just started not caring anymore. Now when people ask I just say point blank that we have been trying for more than 5 years... the reactions are always great. "Oh I am sorry." Yea sorry you asked in the first place! People who don't have fertility problems don't really get it either. I had a friend who said she totally understood, and then went on to tell me about how she was trying to conceive and it took longer than a month and it was so devastating. OH PLEASE! Like that is any basis of comparison. What I love is the advice, "Oh take vitamins, go to the Chiropractor, just relax about it, stand on your head...".
I guess I should be grateful for what I have, two great kids to hug and call me Mom.
We moved recently, it was a very stressful event, and I don't ever want to do it again. It took 19 days longer than it should have for everything to go the way it should, but in the end I have a nice new house to live in. I have to admit that I love it. I am almost embarrassed to admit to people how big it is. After all there are only four of us living in this 6 bedroom house. (S would be really annoyed if I didn't say that one of them is technically not a bedroom, it is an office.) It has taken me since September to finish repainting the house, it has been quiet the challenge. I have loved every minute of it. To me it is worth the effort to see the results, no matter how long it takes. I have loved redecorating, and making it my own. I loved decorating for Halloween. I am going to love decorating for Christmas. This is the house I want to live in for the rest of my life. I want to raise my kids here. We had a hard time finding the right house for us. Lou is a rather hard child to accommodate for. We needed something that had a closed floor plan so that we could stop using baby gates so much. (we still use them but hopefully not for long) The trend with houses these days is for really open floor plans so we had a hard time finding the right place. We did finally find the right place, unfortunately we found it only a couple of weeks after we put our house up for sale. As luck would have it, that same house hadn't sold by the time we did finally sell. Plus it had dropped by twenty thousand dollars, we figured that it was meant to be. We prayed about this a lot and found it really was the right thing to do. We have been in this house now for two and a half months and I love it every day. My kids love it, S loves it, even the pets love it. Every time someone asks me how I like my new house I just grin and tell them I love it. The best part is that I am only 8 houses away from my old house. Same ward (no new person in the ward talk... Yeah!) same neighbors, because I have the best neighborhood ever that makes it even better. It is awesome.
I have never been the type of person who made friends easily. As a child I was shy and because I moved around a lot I had a hard time making friends. As a teenager I was very self-conscious and kind of a nerd. As an adult I think a lot of people find me abrasive and loud.
I have recently found my way onto facebook and found a few old friends. It has confirmed for me that I have never had a lot of friends. I hardly knew anyone from high school to connect with and I don't have any friends that predate junior high to find. I can think of three friends that I have known for longer than I have been married that I keep in contact with, even then I only hear from them about once a year. I like to think that I am a friendly person, and that I like people. I just am not sure that people like me back. S on the other hand has found a long list of people to connect with (mostly women) and we see an entire group of people that he went to high school with at least every other month. I don't understand how someone who is as friendly as he is could have ended up with someone like me. Not that I think I am unfriendly just am not good at maintaining friendships. I spend time with exactly three people in my neighborhood on a social level. They are the only ones that I see and talk to on a regular basis. I like a lot of the people in my neighborhood but I am not gutsy enough to just call someone up and invite them to go shopping or go to lunch. I think a lot of people would think of me as aggressive and they don't realize that it is a front for a lot of insecurity. I guess that those that can see past that are the ones that I actually end up calling friend. Maybe it is a consequence of my childhood that I just don't keep up with people well. I get very wrapped up with my own personal life and forget that I have friends that I should call. If there are any old friend out there that are reading this and feel badly that I haven't kept in touch just know that I am thinking of you and would love to hear from you!