A recess duty (that would be me) walking around observing and admonishing children on a playground. (Go figure huh). She is joined by Turtle (I did not have to make up a name this time, he calls himself that, and no it is not his actual name.) a third grader of the male persuasion, who actively enjoys hanging out with the "doodies".
Turtle: How come you keep walking so much.
Me: I have to so I can see everything I need to see, it's my job.
Turtle: I am going to invent a machine that you can sit in and not have to move at all.
Me: That's called a car.
Turtle: Yeah but you still have to move your arms, in my machine you will just think you want to go another direction and you will go there.
Me: So we can all get fat, like in WALL-E.
Turtle: Yep that would be awesome.
Me: (Laughing a little) Well you better get going on that.
Turtle: Well I have to graduate from college first (a little indignant).
Turtle: Hey by the time I graduate from college you will probably be dead anyway.
Me: (Looking VERY indignant!) I am not that old! How old do you think I am anyway?
Turtle: Forty Nine.
Me: Are you kidding me? Turtle that hurt! (pretending to be in pain)
Turtle: Well you look pretty old.
(P.S. I am actually only 35, that really did hurt, even from a third grader!)
Not that this is a surprising thing for me this time of year.
This however, is different.
I am not depressed because of the weather.
OK so I am a little depressed because of the weather, will it ever be sunny for more than a day or two at a time?
No my depression stems from the extreme frustration that seems to have seeped it's way into my life lately. Frustration that stems from all of the decisions that have to be made
For instance, I am having some health problems lately. I have an ovary that is not behaving itself. It should have been removed last year when I had my last "procedure" but alas it was not. So now I have to decide if and when that will be removed. Not only that but I need to make a life altering decision about weather it is best to remove everything else related to the baby growing process as well. Yes I do mean the dreaded Hysterectomy. I am leaning toward not. This is a big decision and I don't want to have to revisit this issue in a year again.
Her behavior is getting very difficult to deal with. I have been in tears twice in the last twelve hours because of a certain behavior that she has decided to revisit. I am trying to find a Child Psychiatrist that will take patients without Medicaid and will also take our insurance. This is more difficult than it sounds. Something must be done though.
She is getting very defiant, and more difficult to handle than usual. So now I need to find a doctor that will prescribe her something to keep her calm, so that we can actually take care of her. I do not like drugging my child. I have to do that enough with her sister.
we finally got her school placement changed. We have been working with the school district since November. It is now mid March and we have finally been granted what we asked for all those months ago. She will be placed in a Learning Center classroom as of next week. However the school that we are transferring her to is a year round school, and her new class goes off track as of next Monday. So now we have to wait another two weeks to put her where she belongs and can get the most help. I have to decide if we are keeping her in her current class for the next two weeks or just letting her go off track when the new class does. This is the easiest decision of them all right now. I do however want to make sure that we are doing the right thing in changing her school placement in the first place. This means not only a new class, and a new group of kids, but an entirely different school with an entirely different schedule. It also means a change from Mom taking her to school, to being bussed. The good thing about it is that she will be in the same school with the kids from our neighborhood. She will not be in the same class with any of them though.
I do not do well with decisions lately. I have a hard time choosing what I am going to wear every day. I just don't trust myself with the big stuff anymore for some reason. It is making me want to crawl back into bed and just sleep for the rest of the year, and its only March! I cannot seem to get past my weight issue either. I know most people look at me and don't have much sympathy. I am not fat, but I feel like I am. I weigh more now than I did when I gave birth to my girls. I do not feel good. I try to do things that will help, but I have a tendency to eat when I am stressed out, and I AM STRESSED OUT! I think I ate all day yesterday. Then I was more depressed because I can't seem to control my eating.
It just makes me want to cry.
It's such a vicious circle.
I have no time for other people or their problems, not because I am so busy, but because I can't seem to care. I have so many things on my own mind that it is like there is not room for anything else. I feel badly because I have friends that I know could use a shoulder to cry on right now, but I just can't bring myself to think of anything else. I have a hard time putting into words exactly how much stress this is causing in my life.
I know this is depressing post, please forgive me if I have ruined your day.
I had several things happen during recess duty this week that are going to stay with me for a while. Here is one that really stuck out in my mind.
A group of kids caught my eye as I was out on the playground the other day. There were seven of them to be exact. Six sixth graders and a Down Syndrome girl that is in Lu Lu's class. They caught my eye because... well we don't usually see the "normal kids" playing with the kids from that class. They are thrown together a lot during the regular school hours but when recess hits they don't hang out a lot. This group was more unusual because Jenny (all names are changed to protect the innocent) the girl from the "special class" is a couple of years younger than the kids she was playing with. I was worried at first when I noticed them together. In a world where kids like Jenny are not really accepted by their peers, seeing a group together like that makes a person worry a little. They were all laughing and smiling, and that makes an adult a little suspicious. I almost intervened, but instead I decided to stand and watch for a few minutes before passing judgement. It was then that I noticed that they were moving as a herd back and forth across the basket ball court. Then I noticed that Jenny was always in front, and that they were letting her take the lead. I had to stifle a little half laugh half sob when I figured it out. This amazing group of kids had figured out that Jenny likes to run, a lot. They were racing her across the court, and letting her win every time! I almost cried right there on the spot. It was one of the sweetest things I have seen yet. Jenny's teacher then walked over and spoke with them for a few minutes. There was some kind of agreement made and the next thing I knew, they were getting Jenny to race them to the doors of the school. Jenny by the way is a runner, and when faced with the idea of going inside after recess, she will always run the other direction. Not this day! She ran right over and cooperated in a way I have never seen her do. I guess in her mind it is OK to go inside as long as it isn't the teachers idea.
I walked over to the kids afterward and thanked them for being so kind. I told them that from the perspective of a parent of a child with disabilities that was an amazing thing to see. They all acted as though it was no big deal, but I wanted them to know that that little thing they did was an amazing act of kindness toward Jenny and ever adult on the playground that day was immensely impressed.
Cream butter and sugar until fluffy, add eggs and vanilla and mix well. Mix in dry ingredients and then, mix in oatmeal, fruit and nuts. Drop by large spoonfuls onto cookie sheet and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.
I always double this recipe and I always use an ice cream scoop for these, because I serve them to my kids for breakfast. I like to think they are about the equivalent of a bowl of oatmeal, but don't quote me on that. I mix it up a lot too, I add whatever fruit looks good at the store and chocolate chips because that way I know my kids will eat them.
These cookies will give you massive amounts of energy. I ate one the other day and they walked three miles.
My mother also calls these "colon cleaning cookies"....
So I have been having a hard time finding things to write about, especially once I place myself in front of the actual computer. So I am starting a new feature that I am calling
What Happened on the Playground Stays on the Playground
I have something entertaining happen almost every day so I thought I would use this for blog fodder.
I had a group of kids today playing with what I thought was a piece of wood. They were trying to convince another kid that it was a jaw bone. I walked over and told them they were extremely gullible, only to realize that it was an actual jaw bone! With teeth attached and everything. It was obviously canine in nature, but still extremely disgusting. I promptly threw it away and told anyone who had touched it to wash their hands immediately. Several of them went to the spot where it had been found and tried to find other parts. It is a spot on the north side of the school where the sun just doesn't shine so there is still a good bit of ice over there. They found more parts (teeth) and at that point I decided that they should stay away. We removed them with a stern warning to keep away and I made sure to find the janitor later and let him know where to look for the possibility that there might be more "parts".