Wednesday, November 12, 2008

"The question"

What is it about the question that bugs me. You know what question... "So when are you having more kids?". I guess it depends on who is asking. I have friends that I talk to about it that I can be really open to, and then someone else asks and I get all mad. I guess it is the sensitivity level of the person asking, or maybe the way they ask. I have twin girls, I have only been pregnant once and that was cut very short (like by 14 weeks). I have not been preventing pregnancy for about 5 years now. I have actually had a lot of fun telling people that when they ask. Their reactions range from pity, to remorse for asking. It is a sensitive subject. I was talking to a friend  who has been married for almost long as I have and he and his wife don't have kids at all. He said that he doesn't think about it anymore but it is still hard for his wife. I started thinking about that and why that would be the case, why is it easier for men to not think about. I guess for men they don't have a monthly reminder that they haven't achieved their goal yet. Women always have that little reminder. I used to be really sensitive about it, and then I got to the point that I just started not caring anymore. Now when people ask I just say point blank that we have been trying for more than 5 years... the reactions are always great. "Oh I am sorry." Yea sorry you asked in the first place! People who don't have fertility problems don't really get it either. I had a friend who said she totally understood, and then went on to tell me about how she was trying to conceive and it took longer than a month and it was so devastating. OH PLEASE! Like that is any basis of comparison. What I love is the advice, "Oh take vitamins, go to the Chiropractor, just relax about it, stand on your head...". 
I guess I should be grateful for what I have, two great kids to hug and call me Mom. 


Sher said...

I (sortof) understand where you're coming from because of watching Kathryn go through infertility. I also have a neighbor who has never been able to have children, but has adopted 4 beautiful kids, but says she still feels like she doesn't feel like a "woman" because she's never experienced childbirth.
After 3 kids, I still get asked all the time, and it's still hard even when my reasons are that I don't want to end up in the looney bin by having more kids.

Taylor said...

Since I'm friends with you and I know what you've gone through, that is a question I don't genrally ask people because you never know what their circumstances are. See, you've made me a bit more sensitive the people around me! The concept of the number of kids someone has is kind of funny to me. Whenever I talk to anyone I grew up with and tell them that I have three kids they are shocked. Like, wow that's a lot of kids! When I talk to anyone from around here, they're like, when are you going to have more? I think it's rather amusing. I'm with Sherrie, though. I think one more just might push me over the edge! (that's just because I'm not a very patient person!)

ZiggyandFamily said...
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ZiggyandFamily said...

It was very difficult to watch my sister and several friends have children when I wanted another one so badly..... There are 7yrs between Tommy and Elaine and 3 between Elaine and Trina and 6 between Trina and the one I lost; never got pregnant again.... Someone once told me that I should be grateful to have the one. She had 3 and had lost several, so she was not being sarcastic, just realistic. I tried to be happy, and was VERY happy, to have him, but there was always a longing, a hunger to have a little one to nurture and to love who is a part of myself. Many times, accepting the Lord's will is not easy. Besides several of the General Authorities only have 2 children!!

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