Memories, good and bad.

Iwas at work today and standing around talking to a friend of mine who works with me. Somehow we got onto the subject of my kids, and she asked me why my girls were born so early. I hadn't realized that she didn't know the story, I mean good grief I thought that I had told the story to EVERYONE! So I started telling her about my labor pains and about having a placental abruption. I was talking about driving to the hospital at 2 in the morning and getting the urge to push about half way there. I told her about how when they asked me how far along I was I would always say I am not quite 26 weeks. I repeated the phrase I love to repeat because it was so shocking "You are dilated to a ten you are having your babies tonight". All of the sudden all of those memories came flooding back to me. That was by far one of the scariest nights of my life. I was only 24 years old, I had never had my birthing class. I was just under 26 weeks of what should have been at least a 35 week pregnancy (twins are always early so they just aim for about 35 weeks). It was the middle of the night, and by the time I got to the hospital it was too late to do anything but deliver. I don't think I have ever been so terrified. Occasionally over the last 10 years I have been inside a NICU to see another baby. I always walk out in a sort of shocked state. I just cant hear the noises that come with that kind of place without having flashbacks. I started to remember that I didn't hear my girls cry for the first time until they were 7 weeks old. I didn't get to hold either of them until they were a week old. I remember the first time they set Lou in my arms and I couldn't even move because she was hooked up to so many wires and tubes that if I moved an alarm would inevitably go off. We weren't even allowed to hold Bug until she was two weeks old because she had chest tubes. I guess what I am trying to say is that I truly do love my children and I am so lucky they are even alive. I am lucky I am alive because I guess it isn't rare for moms to die when that happens. So I guess here is what started me on the road to becoming a "Holland Mom".

Political Opinion

I don't like politics. I never have, however, I do believe that it is important to voice ones opinion. I do believe that one person can make a difference, whether for good or bad. I don't believe either person running for the highest office in the land can fix our current national problems. I do know that I believe abortion to be wrong, and I don't believe that gay marriage is OK. I also don't believe that socialism is the right answer.  Other than that I don't know what to do to fix our economy, or the problems in Iraq.  I have listened to both men and I know who I am voting for. I don't believe that having a good stage presence is a good deciding factor for who will make a good leader. I also don't believe that voting for someone based on race is right.  I would like to post this little audio clip from President Ezra Taft Benson. If you would like to argue about what it says or what I say, feel free to leave a comment. 

On being sick... again.

It used to be that I got sick a lot, and I do mean a lot. Every fall my allergies would kick in and then my asthma, and then I would get bronchitis, then because I had a week immune system I would catch whatever was going around. I would get strep about two to three times a year, and I would always get the flu or at least a cold that felt like the flu. Not to mention sinus infections, and ear infections. I got my tonsils out about 4 years ago and was put on a really good asthma medication at the same time. Ever since then things have been better and worse. Better because I don't get sick as often, I still get a lighter version of bronchitis but I usually don't have to go to the doctor for it and can skip the antibiotic. I don't really get strep anymore, and my asthma is under control. It is worse because when I do get sick I am not used to it and it hits me a lot harder. When I used to be sick for 9 months of the year I learned how to deal with it and adapt my life around it. Now that I only get sick a couple of times a year I just don't deal as well. I feel like a total wimp. All I want to do is lay in bed and moan, (moaning really does help) and if I can sleep all day that is even better. Unfortunately I have children that insist on getting up and being fed, getting dressed, and being taken to school. What is with that... don't they know I am sick! Oh well at least then I can go back to bed, which is what I am going to do right now. 

Going back to school... at my age.

I have always liked school. My sister used to tell me that I was weird because I liked school. I have always felt that school is important. I have always wanted to teach. I used to picture myself as a high school english teacher. Probably because I had a really cool teacher in high school and she made it look like a great job. She had a real influence on me and my interests, although I don't think she ever knew that. Anyway, I have wanted to go back to school for the last ten years. I was attending Weber State University when I got pregnant (yes on purpose) and with the circumstances of my children's birth it made things a little difficult. We are finally at a stage when I can start thinking about it again. I don't aspire to do as much as I wanted to in the past, but I am looking at a trade school of sorts so that maybe I can get to do something I like to do, rather than something I am settling on. Here is my issue... I am almost 35 years old. I don't want to be the old lady in the class with a bunch of 18 year olds. Good grief, I am old enough to have a teenager of my own! I also don't want to be looked at as the "mom of the class". I wouldn't mind making a few friends but maybe someone my own age group would be nice. I have been saying to S for  a long time that it is my turn to go  to school, but I feel that if I don't go soon that ship will have sailed. If I do go this will be a year and a half of frustration not only for me but for my family as well. I will have to get someone to watch my girls for the summer, be gone every saturday from 9 am until 5 pm, not to mention the money issue. The question is whether or not it is worth it. This is something that I have always thought I would enjoy, but what happens if I spend all the time and money and find out that I hate it? I am a firm believer in higher education, but is trade school really considered higher education? These are the questions that plague my mind right now. If anyone has any advice I would love to hear it. 

Family Photos

We went to do some family photos this weekend. I have to say that we went about it the right way this time. We went to the park with a friend, and just walked around and played with our kids. Not only are the pics pretty good but we had a good time too. It isnt the easiest thing to get good pictures of Lou she moves way too fast, but the casualness of the experience made it a lot easier, and we all left pretty happy. I am so tired of the whole posing for pictures fiasco. This way was much easier and yielded much better results. Thanks again Photo Girl!

I like TV... so sue me

I grew up watching TV, back when I was growing up that wasn't considered a bad thing. I have to admit that I like TV. I also let my children watch TV... apparently in this day and age that makes me a bad mom. The TV that I let my children watch revolves heavily around PBS and actually teaches my kids. For example the other day Bug came to me and actually used the word reassemble. I was floored! She used it in the right context, and she and could tell me exactly what it ment, and the definition of disassemble as well. I asked her where she learned it and, while I was expecting her to say school, her response was that she learned from a TV program. I gotta say I was surprised. I have to admit that I do occasionally let them watch things other than PBS, but that is usually something their father turns on  for them (he loves Sponge Bob). 

I myself watch a lot of TV, I will admit it. I am a fan of TV, it is a good escape for me. I have a lot of stress in my life. Yes I get that there are people who have it harder but,this is my chosen method of escape. I don't usually watch until my children go to bed and then I am a complete couch potato. Hey at least I admit it. I am absolutely happy if I can start watching TV at about 9pm with a bowl of Ice cream in hand, and fall asleep on the couch by about 11.  I like the shows that are really far fetched. They are my break from reality. Lost, Heroes, Alias, Veronica Mars, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, etc. I watch very little reality TV, (American Idol, and the Amazing Race, they are cheesy I know) I don't really want reality, I get enough reality, I want something non reality so that I can totally zone out. I also get completely obsessed with my shows, I mean REALLY obsessed! I love getting my friends as obsessed as I am. Every time our friend Leah comes into town I get her watching a new show and we have these all night marathons. This weekend it was Big Bang Theory, and season three of Veronica Mars. It is awesome because then I have someone who will talk to me about it. Shane won't watch TV with me most of the time so this is basically my version of girl talk. 

By the way I read a lot of books too! So there!

What is with all the days off...

My kids are out of school today... so are all of the rest of the kids in Utah. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, I just don't want them in my house all day. I dread the three months they get off in the summer. What it comes down to is that  I get used to them being gone all day. I do like having them around, but once school is in I get very spoiled. I have a very nice quiet house all day, and then all of the sudden all hell breaks loose! Noisy noisy noisy! I can't get anything done, they make messes all the time, & they are constantly asking for snacks. I think that children should be in school every day, accept maybe sunday. You all think I am joking, well I am not! 

I am one of those people who just wants to be left alone most of the time not because I don't love my family, it is just that I get used to things being a certain way. I also believe that married people should not be together all  the time. S and I make each other crazy when he has a day off. Usually by the time he goes back to work we are both really grateful. Vacations are another story. We are so busy doing things that we don't have the chance to bug each other. When we are all home we go crazy. 

I am not handicapped

I have a daughter that is disabled. I have a handicap parking tag. I am not disabled. I just wanted to get that out before I start. We have this tag because she has a wheelchair and it makes it easier to get her out of the car when we park in handicap parking because the space next to the car is larger. We do not have the tag so that we can park wherever we want. I can't tell you how many times I have someone tell me that I am lucky to have it because that means I can get good parking all the time. They are always so surprised when I say that I don't use it if Lou is not in the car. Inevitably they always ask "why?". Well hello! I am not disabled... duh! I am perfectly capable of walking from a parking space further away. In fact I could probably use the exercise. Why would a perfectly healthy person need to park in a handicap space. Especially when there are people out there who actually need them. 

The first day of school I pulled into the parking lot to take my children in. I have to park and take them in because Lou is not capable of walking across the parking lot without being hit by a car. There was a woman who pulled into the handicap space right in front of me. She did not have a tag to park there. I rolled down my window and politely told her that that space was for people who need it and she ignored me and got her kids out  of her car and went into the school. Needless to say I was a little angry! I counted that morning and of the 4 handicap spaces that were all full three didn't have tags. I will admit I was petty and turned her into the office, as well as all of the others, and I hope they all got tickets! 

Nothing makes me more mad than pulling into a handicap space, and realizing someone has left their grocery cart in the space. This makes me mad in normal parking spaces, but it makes me twice as mad when it is in a handicap space. Now I am perfectly capable of getting out of my car and moving it, because my tag is for my disabled daughter. However I would say that most people who have these tags have them for themselves, and are not as capable of doing this. 

So to sum up, don't park where you shouldn't be and don't leave things where they don't belong. (wow I sound like a mom!)

Why would you do that?

I dyed my hair really dark about a year ago. Everyone accept for my very supportive husband hated it. (Thank you S!) I found out that one person told me that they liked it just to tick someone else off. What is that all about? Why would you compliment someone and tell them you like something just to make someone else mad. Has anyone else ever done that? Would you ever be so annoyed by someone that you would tell a bold faced lie just to be different than them? I have to say that it kind of hurt my feelings too. Here I thought that I was being complimented and they were just saying it for revenge. To top it off I don't think that the person they were trying to get the attention from even noticed. It seems pretty petty to me. So here it is, the big question. Would you ever say or do something like that just to tick someone else off?

I am back to blond by the way... we will see how long that lasts!

I'm tired...

I find myself saying the same phrase all the time. "I'm tired." I say this whether it is true or not. This has developed into a bad habit. I am not tired all the time I just feel the need to say it because I can come up with another way to describe what I am feeling. What I should probably say is something like I am worn out, or I don't want to do this anymore. (That is of corse referring to whatever I happen to be doing at the time.) I do have my times when I am truly exhausted, don't get me wrong. I know every mom has those moments when you have been at work, done nothing but laundry all weekend, the kids have been sick, and the last thing you want to think about is what you are making for dinner. I just need to get out of the habit of thinking that a little extra sleep is really going to make a difference. I get plenty of sleep, unlike S who never seems to get a full nights sleep. (However he does function awfully well for never sleeping.) I guess what I am saying is that everyone feels tire sometimes and I just need to buck up and deal when I do and shut up when I really don't. 

Sick Kids

OK so I was all ready to rant about something else when Lou got sick. This is so hard sometimes. She is a sweet kid when she is sick, very cuddly. The problem is that when she is sick like today with a stomach virus, you really have to watch out. She is totally non-verbal and when she spews there is no warning. You are sitting there all cuddly with her and all of the sudden you are covered with whatever she had for lunch. I like to think that after ten years of this I have a pretty strong stomach, but I am probably mistaken. Bug is so much easier sometimes. "Mom I am going to throw up." "OK run for the bathroom", or "Here have a bowl". 

Now S is getting sick too, which never happens. I know whine, whine, whine. I guess if it is snowing outside and I wasn't planning on doing anything today anyway then why not.

Once more with feeling

here is the website again I guess it is caps sensitive

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

Retail

So I guess I can add to my blog now. Apparently blogspot thought that my blog was spam and I wasn't allowed to add to it until they reviewed it and got back to me. It seems as though they have reviewed but never got back to me, so here I am just assuming I can't add anything. 

I was trying to figure out what to write about the other day and I guess my job is the thing on my mind the most lately. I work an easy little retail job, and I love it. It doesn't make me any money, and in fact S says they should just garnish my check and pay me with childrens clothes. I sort of agree. I believe that everyone should be forced to work in some sort of service industry at some point in their lives. People are so rude! They come in and feel that they can talk to you any way they want because in their opinion they pay my paycheck. Unless they live in New Jersey and work in the accounting department of the company I work for then no they don't. Their measly $20 purchase doesn't even make a dent in the amount of money the store makes and yet they feel they can make me do whatever they want. I get that it is my job to do whatever it takes to make the customer happy, but some people take it too far. so here is my list of things that you should never do to someone who works retail. 

1. Do not come in and expect to return something that you purchased that is now on sale without a reciept and expect to get your full refund back. We don't know when it was purchased and we don't remember you coming in and purchasing it. 

2. Don't return something just because the frickin button fell off. Get a stupid needle and thread and sew it back on!

3. Do no tell me that you pay my check!

4. Do not show up at the store at ten minutes before closing time and hang around for the next half hour and expect us to be happy about it. Some of us have been standing on our feet for the last 8 hours and want to go home to our families. 

5. Don't just drop things wherever you want. If you dont know where you got something from come and give it to someone who works there, and we will put it away. 

So those are my gripes I guess I am done. If you want to argue please feel free to comment, just don't expect me to be nice!

Holland mom

So I guess I should begin by explaining why I am a "Holland mom". First here is the link to the website that explains the Holland part. www.our-kids.org/archives/holland.html

I am the mother of twin girls that were born 14 weeks premature. They are ten now and Lou has Cerebral Palsey and is Autistic. Bug has complex partial seizures as well as learning disabilities. 

I am starting this blog to be able to tell the world what I think about raising kids, being a wife, being a mormon, and being me. I guess I have a lot to rant about and I will try not to be too negative, but sometimes I guess I will have to let loose. If you feel you need to post a response feel free but please put your name on them so I know who  you are, especially if you have a negative comment!

More later.

Sarah