Remembering

The Bug

Lou Lou

The Bug and Lou 11 years old this week!

This same week 11 years ago, my husband was out of town. I was 6 months pregnant with twins and very uncomfortable. I had about three times the amount of amniotic fluid that I should have had and was borderline for my test to see if I had gestational diabetes. (I never did find out if I had it because I had them before the final test was scheduled.) For these reasons I had been put on what we were referring to as "house arrest". I wasn't allowed to drive anymore, I couldn't walk around too much or vacuum or do much of anything but sit around. Because S was out of town I was staying with my parents as a just in case measure. I remember this week very well. It was the week of my Dad's 50th birthday. We had a big party for him on the same night as the last Seinfeld episode. All of my siblings and the grand kids, and my parents were gathered at the Fudruckers watching TV, and eating cake and having a good time, not having a clue as to what was coming. That week my mom was spending her time chauffeuring me around town doing all kinds of getting ready for baby stuff. I remember laying in bed one night and feeling Lou (who was stuffed up under my ribs) actually flexing her little hand right up against the inside of my belly. It was one of the weirdest sensations I have ever felt. She was sideways and Bug was upside down and both of their feet were in the same space. They kicked the same spot so often and so vigorously that I was actually bruised inside my ribs for quite a long time after they were born. It made sleeping virtually impossible. For some reason this week has always stuck out in my mind. Maybe it is because it was the last week of my life before all hell broke loose. I know that sounds bad but my life with children has never been easy. Most people have kids and things get a little easier after a while. The aren't always a challenge, they aren't always babies. I have had 11 years of infancy. That does ware on you after a while. I love my kids with all my heart, the are the best thing that S and I have ever done. The have also been the biggest challenge I have ever had to face. They have made me feel lower than anything else in my life. I have had more problems with depression since having children than ever before. They also make me feel higher than anything else ever could. When they do something that they have never done before or they accomplish something that we have been working on forever it makes me feel like I could fly.

I am so proud of all that they have accomplished.

They have had to struggle with everything they have ever done.

NOTHING HAS EVER COME EASY TO THEM!

As a result nothing has ever come easy to their parents either. I guess what I am trying to say is that even with all the challenges that we have had to face...

I am glad to be a mom today.