Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Thankless

I have been feeling very sorry for myself lately. I have a very hard time when the weather changes from bright, warm and sunny to dark, cold and cloudy. It affects my mood a lot. It affects the way I see things, and it is really hard for me not to just give in to the depression that follows. It doesn't help that things with the kids lately have been... difficult. It doesn't help that things with my health have been less than perfect lately. It doesn't help that the "spend like there is no tomorrow" season is upon us. I have a tendency to wallow about when things aren't going perfectly. I sort of sink into the mire of life and settle in for the winter. I have even temporarily given up my only real outlet, blogging. Then here I am at 5 am reading other people's blogs. Just for something to do, because sleep is alluding me once again. And I run into this on one of my favorite blogs.
I cried.
This is what I feel like today, what I have felt like for quite a while now. It probably doesn't help that I haven't been exercising. It doesn't help that I have gained weight (seriously I had to go buy new pants people!) It doesn't help that I have had to clean up messes almost constantly, blood, urine, toys, you name I have cleaned it up lately. But that put it all in perspective. I will try to remember that there is a reason for what I am doing. There is a reason for all that happens, while I am doing what I am doing. I may not know exactly the reason right now, but some day I will and it will all make sense.
So here I go, trying to do what I should, even if only He sees me.

7 comments:

The Campbell's said...

Sarah, You are such an amazing person!!! You are so strong, even though you probably dont think so. You have helped me mentally so much with Catie that I dont know how I can repay you. Christmas will be here and gone, then spring will right around the corner with lots of sunshine. I think about you lots. If you want to get out of the house and go for a walk or something -call me. I am off Thursdays and Fridays. Love ya!!

The Boob Nazi said...

I also get a little down in the fall/winter, even though it's my favorite time of the year. It's so sad.

Sher said...

I'm so sorry things have been so hard for you lately. This time of year gets me down, too.
We should get together for lunch or something and drown our sorrows in chocolate.

Elaine Shandra said...

It's definitely difficult when He is the only one that sees! I am trying to remember to trust Him more though.

Fiauna said...

That video is amazing. So well said.

I hope you find a smile today. You deserve one. (((hugs)))

M-Cat said...

I wish I had a good answer for you, but I get in the same funk. Hugs, baby, here come some hugs!

ZiggyandFamily said...

Thank you for the reminder. There is a song which has also reminded me of this same principle, "The Wind Beneath My Wings". Whenever I have heard this song, I have thought of Christ and Heavenly Father being my wind lifting me higher than I every thought possible. For those days without sun, there are full sprectrum florescent lamps which can help. May Heavenly Father lift your burdens and make them easier to bear.

 
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