New Leaf

I looked at my husband last night an said "I've had it!" I don't want to feel like this anymore.... Oh wait it isn't what you think!

I have decided that I am going to be healthier. I know I have said this before, but this time I mean it. Let me tell you why. About a month ago I decided that I was cutting out sugar in my diet. It went really well for a while, I had very little sugar, and I did feel a lot better. However I have absolutely no will power and I eventually gave in. I think yesterday was my low point. We had the girls birthday party last week and so the house we have had a lot of sweets hanging around anyway, but I had to compound it with the donuts that I purchased on Monday to hand out in their classes. And since they were buy a dozen and get a dozen free, I had to get some for us too. Then about half of the donuts for the classes came home with the girls anyway. So we have birthday treats, cupcakes, and donuts just sitting around getting stale, and I spent money on them so I feel like I just have to do something so it isn't a waste of money. The solution is of course to eat them all myself. I am ashamed to say that I probably ate about 6 Krispy Kream donuts yesterday, along with two frozen burritos I had for lunch, and a couple of scotcheroos.

Needless to say I was not in a good mood yesterday. When I am "sugar mommy" I am not pleasant to be around. I do not feel good, I am impatient, I am angry, and I yell a lot, for no particular reason. By the time last night rolled around I was not a fun person to be around. This was sort of like hitting bottom for me. I decided right then and there that things were going to be different.

So here is the plan. I am recording on this very public blog what my stats are as of today, and I will make a monthly update to let you all have the chance to ridicule me if there is no change.

(This is probably the bravest thing I have ever done)

Natural waist: 35 inches

Hips: 38 inches

Bust: 38 inches

Bicep: 11 inches

Weight: 155 lb.

These are the areas I am the most worried about.

OK so don't get me wrong. I am not fat, I know this. I know there are people out there that truly struggle with their weight. I am not trying to belittle their struggle by saying that I am fat. I know that I am not!

I am however, very unhealthy. I am at the top weight I have ever been in my life, and that includes when I gave birth to my girls. I do not feel comfortable with my body and it is affecting the rest of my life. Plus now it is starting to affect my family as well.

I do not want this to happen anymore!!!!!!

Really this isn't about weight loss, it is about being healthy enough to feel good. It is about being healthy enough to take care of my family. It is about feeling good about myself, and knowing that I am trying my hardest to take care of myself. It is about setting a good example for my children so they will not have the same kind of struggle with their health that I have had.

I just want to do better, and from this day forward I will do just that.

12 years ago today I became Mommy!

We've come a long way baby!

Happy Birthday to my beautiful girls!

OK So Now I Really Am Depressed!

So Emanhaud sent me this via email the other day, and seriously it really did make me depressed. It made me laugh a little too, so I thought I would share.

Men Are Just Happier People-- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Phone conversations aren't over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

This speaks to me

I love music.

There are certain songs that just instantly transport me to another time, and literally fill me with memories. Good and bad. Sometimes a song just speaks to my heart, sometimes it's something about the melody, but most of the time it is the lyrics. I found this one, and something about the words just makes me cry every time I hear it. I thought I would post part of it because it says something about how parents feel about their children, and I found it fitting for Mothers Day somehow.

"Well my dad was sick
and my mom she cared for him
her love it nursed him back to life
and me I ran,
I couldn't even look at him,
for fear I'd have to say goodbye
and as I start to leave he grabs me by the shoulder and he tells me,

whats left to lose,
you've done enough
and if you fail well then you fail,
but not to us
cause these last three years,
I know they've been hard
but now it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun
even if it's alone"

-The Format- On Your Porch