What Might Have Been

I have 4 friends/relatives that will be having or have had babies within the month. I get to go and hold these little darlings occasionally. Holding a perfect little new born is a cheerful thing to do. Most of the time. Sometimes it sparks a little bit of sadness in me. I didn't have perfect little new born babies. I had fetuses. For those of you who don't know I have twin girls that were born 14 weeks premature. The were under two pounds each. I didn't hear my newborns cry until they were seven weeks old. They had scars on their body from the first moments of birth. I has never been easy for me to be a parent. Not that it is for anyone, but I have never had one of those blissful moments when all seems right with the world. I have always had worry.

Will they ever be able to breath on their own?

Will they be able to see they way they should?

Will they be able to eat normally?

Will they be able to sit up?

Will they ever walk?

Will they ever talk?

After a while it switched to...

Will she ever be able to feed herself?

Will she ever be able to get dressed?

Will she every be able to tell me she loves me?

Will she be like everyone else?

Will everyone treat her the way she deserves to be treated?

I know all parents ask themselves these things. I know they all worry. But at some point I have had to give up on the dream. Sure there are a lot of things both of my girls can do that I never thought they would. We no longer have to spoon feed, or worry about falling down stairs. We do however worry about how the world will treat people who are so vastly different.

I look at new born babies, and pray fervently for their parents that they will never have to go through the heartache of having to give up what might have been. I pray that my children never know how much it hurts to give up the dream of a perfect little baby. I pray that they don't realize that with giving up that dream, my life had been altered but, not always for the worse.

I do however hope they realize that my life has been better because of them. That I wouldn't change a thing to make it different for myself. I would change it for them, not because there is something wrong with them, but because there is something wrong with the way the rest of the world sees them.

I hope they never have to ask themselves,

What if?

or What might have been?

I hope they can appreciate themselves for who they are.

Beautiful daughters of God!

Random Ten Friday

Do you ever watch the same shows over and over. There are certain series that I just have to have, I just have to watch over and over again. I actually own all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Go ahead and mock me, but for those of you out there who have actually bothered to watch this show, you actually understand why I keep watching it. I also have a weakness for Veronica Mars. Again one that looked like a stupid teenage drama, but I challenge you to watch it and see if you still think that! So I am asking you. What do you love to watch? What could you watch over and over and never get tired of it?

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What is with this freaking weather? Seriously it is April already and there is snow and hail all over my lawn! If this is what April is going to look like I would just like to have March back... OK!

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I watch this show I have done entire posts about it in the past. I love it, I will probably never stop watching. Even when Simon goes away. However I am very disappointed with the judges lately. I swear they criticize my favorites every time. I was so disappointed when one of my favorites was taken off this week! I used to vote, but I also used to watch it live. By the time we get around to watching now, it is way too late. I am very interested to see who actually wins this year.

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The Bug starts her new class next week. In the mean time she is off track all this week and most of next. I think she is starting to feel the boredom. Wednesday she was sitting at the kitchen counter sorting Skip-Bo cards by number. I seriously need to find something better for her to do. Unfortunately the weather is not cooperating with the idea of anything outside. So indoor activities.

Any ideas?

Cheap ideas?

Free ideas?

OK ideas that do not involve actual effort?

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I hate April Fools Day! Seriously I always end up looking like an idiot, either because I get some stupid trick played on me, or because my lame trick ends up looking just that... lame. I never realized how much kids get into it. Maybe because we have never put much emphasis on it. As a recess duty, it was like I had a huge target painted on my back yesterday. All of them were pretty simplistic, so easy to see through. I had several kids tell me I had a spot on me somewhere. I had several tell me it was their birthday. One told me I had a ketchup packet on my butt. That was the most creative. Apparently the adults in the school are a lot more creative than the kids though. I guess I have to beware in the future.

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I decided to take the songs from my new music list this week, and added some commentary.

Here are the tunes

1. Crimson and Clover- Joan Jett

(This song reminds me of Veronica Mars it seriously had a great soundtrack)

2. OK Go- WTF?

(I really hate this particular phrase, but unfortunately this is the title of the song.)

3. Odd One- Sick Puppies

(Love the lyrics on this song)

4. Riannon- Fleetwood Mac

(I swear half this list I have heard on AI in the last few weeks)

5. Stylo- Gorillaz

(Love the beats these guys use)

6. Let it Be- Kris Allen

(I bought this because it was a good cause, and I love this version)

7. Me and Bobby McGee- Crystal Bowersox

(Part of me hopes she wins, and part of me thinks she is really pretentious. I seriously want her to loose the dreds)

8. I Love Rock & Roll- Joan Jett

(I remember my little brother loved this song when it came out, he must have been about 6, and went around singing it all the time, he was so cute!)

9. Your No Good- Didi Benami

( I was truly disappointed to see her go! She was my favorite!)

10. Feeling Good- Michael Buble

(I have really learned to love this song!)

Bonus: The New Moon Soundtrack

Wordless Wednesday (Through the eyes of an 11 year old)

Better late than never

I know I should have done this post a few days ago, but I just can't seem to find the time to sit in front of the computer anymore.

Anyway....

I would really like to thank the wonderful ladies that made the effort to come to my "Blogger Thing" last Friday evening. We had some good food, some equally great "girl time".

Some made an extraordinary effort and drove a very long way, to be here.

I would just like to give each of you and individual shout out for making the effort!

Sher, you are beautiful, I am so glad to have met you all those years ago!

The Boob Nazi- I would just like to know, when the freak did you go private?!

Jo- You are my mentor, and one of the smartest people I know!

Elaine- I cant believe I have known you longer than anyone there! I thoroughly enjoyed having you there, and love your post about it!

Fiauna- You are truly and inspiration, and I need to work harder to have your sense of calm.

Val- I love your energy! You made the party very lively, and I loved getting to know you!

In my advanced age I keep thinking I forgot someone... good grief there were only six people present.... Oh wait there was one more...

If you want to know who that was, go here.

And as expected he truly was the life of the party!

I would just like to know why no one suggested a picture?

Tomorrow night people!

A long time coming

I may have mentioned before that I would really like to have a blogger get together at my house. Well I am biting the bullet and just going for it. Here are the details...

My house

(if you want to know where that is just email me or comment and I will email you back)

Friday March 26th 7:30 pm

Bring something yummy to snack on, since I am not a restaurant and I don't want to provide dinner for my own family much less a bunch of crazybloggers.

I am doing this in the hopes that I will be able to meet some of you in person and put some names to faces.

Everyone who reads this is invited, and if you know someone who would be interested who isn't a regular reader, bring them along too.

(You may even get a prize for bringing a friend!)

Please leave a comment if you plan on attending!

Well Duh!

According to Redbook Magazine 79% of men think that the number one thing a woman can do to make herself more attractive is to wear a low cut top....

Really?

What a shocker!!!!!

What Happens on the Playground Stays on the Playground

Actual Conversation

Picture the scene with me if you will....

A recess duty (that would be me) walking around observing and admonishing children on a playground. (Go figure huh). She is joined by Turtle (I did not have to make up a name this time, he calls himself that, and no it is not his actual name.) a third grader of the male persuasion, who actively enjoys hanging out with the "doodies".

Turtle: How come you keep walking so much.

Me: I have to so I can see everything I need to see, it's my job.

Turtle: I am going to invent a machine that you can sit in and not have to move at all.

Me: That's called a car.

Turtle: Yeah but you still have to move your arms, in my machine you will just think you want to go another direction and you will go there.

Me: So we can all get fat, like in WALL-E.

Turtle: Yep that would be awesome.

Me: (Laughing a little) Well you better get going on that.

Turtle: Well I have to graduate from college first (a little indignant).

(pause)

Turtle: Hey by the time I graduate from college you will probably be dead anyway.

Me: (Looking VERY indignant!) I am not that old! How old do you think I am anyway?

Turtle: Forty Nine.

Me: Are you kidding me? Turtle that hurt! (pretending to be in pain)

Turtle: Well you look pretty old.

(P.S. I am actually only 35, that really did hurt, even from a third grader!)